Lockdown: To Do List

The alarm shrieks.
You slap the off button
roll over and
try
to keep sleeping
but beams of gold
bleed from your blinds’ sides
piercing your peace.
You wait two hours.                    
Accept defeat.
accept consciousness.
You make it to the shower.
You wait for the water
to burn
to blister today’s skin,
whilst you hold your breath
and relish a feeling
because to feel
something
makes you alive.

The scalding water fills
the crevices carved
by your dread
to be awake
you glare at the bathroom tiles
aren’t they ugly?
Why haven’t you noticed that before?
A tin of
instant coffee.
Mug.
Teaspoon.
You wait for the kettle
to whine.
The phantom smell of coffee grinds
releases your stiff joints as you feel them collapse into the pillowy coffee shop sofa
while the barista smiles at you and hands you a cappuccinoand the warm caramel and walnut brownie you treated yourself to
your thumb brushes theirs as you accept your mug of comfort
without stopping to think about the luxury of the exotic experience.

You pour
the boiling water.
You forgot you’ve run out of milk.
Now that you are ready for today
you sit.
The wall is dirty.
You should repaint that.
You could do it now.
You could empty the bins.
You could read that book.
You could learn a language.
You could brush your hair.
You sit.

After putting back on pyjamas
you brush your teeth
avoiding the mirror
because the sight of
the plump red balloons
around your eyes
will keep you awake and there
is no one
to help you sleep.

So you lie
burrowed beneath the blanket
shielded from your solitude
nestled amongst your thoughts
as they rise
and explore corner to corner
of your fatigued mind
plaguing you until
sleep relieves you
until consciousness
sets you free
for today.

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